Cold

I actually like a bit of Coldplay.  The Scientist and Yellow, in particular.  Why wouldn't I?  Music for 11pm on a rainy December evening.  Melancholia is my modus operandi at this time of year - something about the combination of Christmas, New Year, birthday, pensive storms, the look back to see if we've really achieved anything.

Anyway, lyrics for future use:

"Your skin, oh your skin and bones, turn into something beautiful."

"For you, I'd bleed myself dry."

"Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions, let's go back to the start"

"Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me"

Please Don’t Ask Me To Feel | Thought Catalog

I normally try to write my own thing.  But this struck several chords.  All emphasis added is mine, but none of the writing is.


Please Don’t Ask Me To Feel | Thought Catalog

You know that I’m bad at this. You know I don’t like things to be complicated. I like to go about my day simply, doing the things I need to do. I like to think, I like to analyze, I like to wonder. I’m good at these things – they make sense; I like things that make sense. But when you ask me how I’m doing, when you wait patiently for an answer, when you listen attentively to the cracks in my voice, you’re asking me to feel. Don’t do that. Just go about your day like everyone else – asking without really wanting to know. Don’t tell me you genuinely care; please don’t ask me to feel.

I want to be able to listen to the stupid songs on the radio without thinking of you. I want to be able to smile at something innocent without your face piercing my thoughts; I want to be attentive to my work. I don’t want to spend  my time daydreaming about conversations in the past or in the future. I don’t want to get excited when I hear from you. So don’t tell me your favorite songs, don’t tell me about your childhood memories, and most of all, don’t be wonderful to me. Just treat me like a casual friend who you think of from time to time. Don’t tell me you’ve been thinking of me, please don’t ask me to feel.

You know that I can take care of myself. You know that I will always be the last to need someone. I like to be there for others because it’s so much easier to give than to be the one in need. It is pride, it is an overestimation of security and strength. But it’s all I’ve ever known. But when you tell me you want to know about my childhood, when you ask what makes me angry, or where I’m most happy, you’re prying into my life; you’re making me uncomfortable. Just keep the conversation light and superficial. Don’t tell me you want to know me better than anyone else, please don’t ask me to feel.

I’ve seen this story in movies before. I’ve read it in fairy tales. I’ve even watched it happen to other people. But it wasn’t meant for me like this, not quite so spectacularly. So please don’t tell me you think I’m beautiful or smart of funny. Don’t tell me that I’m the girl your family would love; don’t tell me that I’m the kind of girl you could love. Because when you say you that, you make it sound so possible, so plausible, and I might start to believe you. Just let me be the girl you mistook for the girl you wanted to be with. And don’t tell me anything anymore, please don’t ask me to feel. Because that question is as senseless as the answer I would give you – that I’ve already started to feel, and I don’t know how to make it stop.

Filth

Absolute paint-splashing.  Gotta make a mess sometimes.

Warsan Shire

When looking for the origin of a certain quotation (to be used in a picture very soon), I discovered Warsan Shire - a young, modern day poet. I urge you to read her works, they epitomise feelings that we can all identify with but by combining words in unusual twisting ways. I adore the below.


“every mouth you’ve ever kissed
was just practice
all the bodies you’ve ever undressed
and ploughed in to
were preparing you for me.
i don’t mind tasting them in the
memory of your mouth
they were a long hall way
a door half open
a single suit case still on the conveyor belt
was it a long journey?
did it take you long to find me?
you’re here now,
welcome home.”
― Warsan Shire

The truth is, I have always been a fool.

Harropography's gone all soppy this evening..  Woops.  Let's blame this Thought Catalog (sic) article...

In particular, the following lines are calling to me:

"The truth about love is that it is so bound up with regret that it seems impossible to separate the two. You regret the words you said, which you didn’t realise would come out so badly. You regret how vulnerable you let yourself be, how you cracked open your chest to reveal your still-beating heart. You regret all the chances you gave, the forgiveness you bled so freely. ... You regret the beginning, because it could only ever lead to this. You regret the ending, because of everything you’ll never get back. You try so hard not to regret everything in between, but you do."

Inspiring (creatively) stuff.

Riffing on my Gif-ing

Playing with motion.  OOOOH lovely.  More to come, I think, especially the bottom one which magically mythically looks like it's spinning in both directions at the same time...

"Make up your mind, leave the boy behind" and nairy a truer word were said.  Thanks matthew hidden.

Don't tell me our youth is running out, it's only just begun

Oh FOXES.  Not the animal (in the countryside, bless 'em.  In London, they're vermin...), but rather the band.  I heard "Youth" a few weeks ago and it's a total earworm.  Beautiful lyrical.

Papercut.  I may add another layer onto this...

I built a raft...

It's been growing on a bacciferous plant until ready to explode and now I can release it into the ether: beautiful tunage "A Berry Bursts" inspired me to this semi-lyrical, semi-mythical piece.  Now that it's been put up on the matthew hidden facebook page, I shall feel free to share it myself.

PS the song is here   =>>                                 LOOK

Papery

Maybe it was the fear of ruining my compass (a former maths-nerd's gotta have her tools), maybe it was just the thought of a sharp implement in the house, but I finally got around to buying a paper knife and proper board.

Combine this with the marvellous matthew hidden's new single, A Berry Bursts, with some cracking lyrics, and I got a bit inspired.  I've done a few things around this tune and another sone, Unconditionally, that I'll put up after I've sent them over to the hidden one, but I was quite excited about this one as my first real papercut.

Prussian Blue might be my new Alizarin Crimson. 

A little graphical inspiration

I like words but also shapes and patterns.  There's something about architecture that I love - not sure if it's the lines or the "random but structured feel to some pieces, but it's incredibly inspiring.  Especially this first one, which is actually the wall of a new concert hall and probably serves many acoustic purposes (of which I understand not so many).

Not sure what this building is, but it's in Salford Quay near the BBC Centre in Manchester.  Wibbly.

Favourite temporary structure ever - beating the Eiffel Tower, it's got to be the Atomium in Brussels.  I think it was also built for an expo in the late 1800s.  Sufficiently geeky.

Promises

Oh gosh... it's a blog post so as I can have a real website as my facebook page.  More to come.  Promise.